I have been wanting to write for some time. So much to reflect on. So little time. I never seem to find the perfect moment to seize. Coffee in hand. Quiet corner. Heart and mind ablaze with creativity. Can you picture this moment too? 

Freeze frame…I have had these moments. They are wonderful. I am frequently searching to learn how to cultivate moments like these. What are the right ingredients? How can I mix them together just right? What time, what place must this be done? 

There is nothing wrong with the pursuit of “magical” moments as much as there is nothing wrong with “mountain top” moments or “eurical” moments or moments of great clarity, creativity, conquering, and closeness to God and others. I wonder if our pursuit of these moments are part of our design. A design that calls us simultaneously to two places. Neither can be found on a map yet scholars and theologians alike debate their existence. Both are as real as the screen before our eyes this instant but can you verify that…?

The writer of Hebrews says in chapter 11 verse 1: “Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.” 

Faith. Sometimes I wonder if we overuse this word such that it diminishes our awe. Didn’t Jesus say that faith the size of a mustard seed could move mountains (reference Mt 17:20)? Welp, that is not your average mustard seed. A quick Google search will reveal that a mustard seed is about 1-2 millimeters in size. That’s 0.039 to 0.079 inches for you non-metric folks. That is roughly the thickness of a credit card. Have you ever moved a mountain with your credit card? Literally? 

Now figuratively you may have a point…There are some very wealthy people in this world. In fact King Herod was one such guy. During Jesus’ lifetime he actually had a mountain “moved” to support the construction of his Herodium (see more). Crazy.

Did Herod have faith the size of a mustard seed? He made a mountain move didn’t he? 

Honestly, Herod probably did have faith the size of a mustard seed…or smaller! Truly. Mustard seed or size of a boulder, faith is not measured by size. Faith is measured by the leap. The trust. The confidence in what we hope for. 

Herod placed his faith in man. In what was seen. Faith is an assurance in what we do not see.  This is what the ancients were commended for. Their faith was placed in God. This is what we will be commended for as we believe in God’s promises for the past, present, and future to come. 

I have been learning a lot about faith lately. In some ways I have left a lot of what I could see for what I can’t. Career, stability, family, and friends to name a few. Those who know my story may think, “yeah but you chose to leave.” You are right. I did. We did. Eirenee’ and I could have continued on in our great careers and living in close proximity to our amazing families and friends. We are so blessed! 

My heart is summed up best in Eirenee’s tearful comments as we went through airport security. 

“Leaving home, our family and friends is hard, but not following where we believe God is calling would be harder.”

So, here we are. I am by no means a hero of the faith or a spiritual giant. My biggest hero of the faith in many ways is the man in the Gospel of Mark who seeks out Jesus to have his son freed from demon possession. Jesus seems to question the man to determine if he truly believes that he can heal his son.  “Immediately the boy’s father exclaimed, “I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!” (Mark 9:24) 

I am inspired by the father’s vulnerability and genuineness. I am moved by his earnestness. I can almost hear his heart leaping off the page. 

“I have nothing left! Please! You are my only hope!” 

Did Jesus rebuke his lack of faith? Did he tell him to come back once his faith was a little stronger? I encourage you to read it and find out for yourself. 

And so I keep praying, “I believe, help me to overcome my unbelief.”

Even in this moment God is helping me overcome my unbelief. I am writing this from our hotel room in quarantine. Day 4 of 16. This is far from the perfect writing spot. Far from the magical moment. But I am ever content. Content to reflect. Content to wonder and hope. Herein lies true beauty. A reminder that most days the perfect moment is far from reach, but just right for what we need. A reminder that one day all will be made perfect as we walk with our Maker once again. Now that is something to hope in.