This was originally written on 20 March 2021.

I felt a wandering in my spirit this morning. For some reason a lot of mornings have felt like shifting sand lately. I am still trying to figure this out. I attribute some of this to the unclear vision for the future. My mind is quick to wander to the unknown. Perhaps this creates an unsettledness. However, having a clear and concrete plan is a faux solid footing. I am still walking by sight. I have known great people to have great plans and walk by sight right off a cliff without so much as a blink of an eye.

Back to my morning…my unsettledness led me to turn to God’s word. This is the only rock I know. It is God’s revealed will for our lives. It is God’s love letter to His children. It never changes. 

The plan Eirenee’ and I are using has us in Job and Romans at the moment. I read through Job and nothing extraordinary jumped off the page at me. Job’s friends were sharing their perspectives on his situation. Not sure if they were words of rebuke or encouragement or a little bit of both. 

Reading Romans 15, my intrigue piqued. Little “ooo’s” and “aaahhh’s” ricocheted in my thoughts as I read great nuggets of truth. 

Romans 15:5-6: May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you the same attitude of mind toward each other that Christ Jesus had, so that with one mind and one voice you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.

I thought to myself, “I need endurance and encouragement…this is what I need for the day.”

Then I read…

Romans 15:13: May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

Again I thought, “Yes Lord, I need hope, joy, peace. I want this truth to be activated in my life!”

This is when I realized…I am reading to find band-aids for my current circumstances. In these moments I wanted an antacid for my heartburn. Honestly, I am reading for myself. 

What makes me different in these moments from others who turn to religions of this world as an elixir for their soul? 

What makes me different from the person trolling Pinterest to find another mantra for the inspiration board? 

I don’t believe in those moments there was much different between our three scenarios. We all recognized that there was something needed outside of ourselves for encouragement and inspiration. Sure, I guess I recognized the authority of scripture. However, the other two individuals also recognized the authority of something in their life. So where’s the rub? 

We cannot rely on our practices to save us! The christian, the buddhist, and the atheist may all have a similar practice that they use to draw comfort and inspiration. My practice this morning only differed by a variable or two from other contexts. 

I do this far too often. I read God’s word looking for nuggets of inspiration. I read for output, not input. I read too often to discern how I can modify my behavior or the trajectory of my day. 

There is more…sometimes I look to God more as a guru than the creator of the universe and sustainer of life itself. I desire a mystical experience. I want the 7 steps to holiness. I hope for new awareness and understanding.

Whether it is anxiety, fear, sadness, or any other dark symptom we cannot draw hope from our practice. This is not to say that it is wrong or misguided to develop practices that bring life to these areas. Mindfulness, physcial activity, and even modern medicines such as antidepressants can be powerful practices in seeking renewal. However, these antidotes only provide temporary solutions to a much greater problem. 

There resides a sin nature inside of each of us. It requires a daily mortification. A daily dying. As we die to our flesh we must put on Christ. The pursuit of inner renewal is the life of Christ. It is now our life. Our practices must be extensions of our inner transformation and renewal. They must be founded in heart change. 

I must read the Bible and ask how can this truth transform my heart?

So, as I approach the scriptures I must pursue God’s heart. I must invite the Holy Spirit to renew my mind to see and know His will. I must ask for the faith to follow where He leads. Whenever. Wherever. 

Lord, transform my heart to have a love for your word. Your word is sweeter than honey. May your sweetness pervade the depths of my soul. May I be drawn to know the depths and riches of your love. May I be drawn to know your revealed will for all of creation. I pray that your word would serve as a beacon of your holiness. I pray that your word would serve as a mirror to my sin. I pray your word would invite me deeper into your loving arms. May I follow in faith. Draw me into deeper cycles of revival. Your holiness, my sin, your grace and forgiveness, my freedom. To you be all the glory forever and ever. Amen.